Old Lady Ethel:
Old Lady Ethel was sitting at her computer playing online bingo. She watched as the numbers rolled by on the screen: B5, I23, N40, G48... she only needed an O61. She got down on her knees and began to pray. "Oh lord," she called out, "if you give me an O61 in this bingo game, I'll be yours forever! I'll go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. I'll donate all my spare time to the local orphanage. I'll never use your name in vain or curse or be mean to anyone ever again." Just as she finished her prayer, she looked up and, lo and behold, an O61 appears on the screen. She gets a great big smile on her face and immediately cries out to the heavens, "Oh, thank you for hearing my prayer, my saviour, but never mind... I already got one!"
A man was holding an international Bingo tournament to raise money for his favourite charity. People from all over the world could log in for a few dollars, and the person who won the most would come to New York to claim a 0,000 check.
As the tournament went on, one old man quickly ran away from the rest. He won time after time, almost always beating the other players handily. He easily won, and was invited to New York to receive his prize.
When he got there, the organiser couldn't believe his eyes; half of the old man's head was an orange! He tried to look away, but he just couldn't stop looking. Finally, he got up to courage to ask, "Sir, I feel so rude, but I must know; why is half of your head an orange?"
"Ah," the old man says, "it is an interesting story. It began a year ago, when I found a magic lamp at the flea market. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared. He said he would grant me three wishes."
The organiser was incredulous, but the old man went on.
"With my first wish, I asked to be the greatest bingo player ever to live. It's my favourite game, you see. Sure enough, I'm now so certain to win most of the games I play that I make more playing online bingo than I get from my retirement!"
The organiser wasn't sure what to think, but he had seen the results first hand. "What was your second wish," he pressed.
"Well, I had always wanted to live in America, but I couldn't afford it. So, I asked the genie to help me fly to New York and get enough money to buy a nice, little place in the city."
The organiser was intrigued. "That's truly an amazing story, sir," he continued, "but I don't understand; how did you end up with half your head as an orange?"
The old man looked up for a moment, took a deep breath, and let out a sigh. "Well, that may be where I made my mistake. See, I pulled the lamp out and gave it a good rub. The genie came out and asked for my final wish, and I said, 'I'd like half my head to be an orange.'"
The Big Win:
A man was playing online bingo one day when he stood up quickly from his chair. "Honey," he said to his wife, "I just won a huge pile of money! Pack your bags!"
The wife was excited and jumped up and down, "Should I pack for the beach or an adventure?"
The husband replies, "I don't really care, as long as you're out by noon."